I'm going to try my best to recall as much of this dream as possible, but some of it is in bits and pieces, and I'm definitely not sure about the chronology. There is clearly a lot of psychoanalysis to be done with this dream. I will include any thoughts about that as they come to me.

It took place in a very, very large house; but this house was clearly used only as a constant "hang out" and party spot for a large group of friends, and their friends, and their friends, etc. So it was somewhat "trashy" by normal standards, thrift store furniture and such, nothing nice that anyone would give two shits about damaging in any way. A lot of people had, over time, brought a lot of their own things here, whether it was furniture, blankets, games, books, dishes, random knick-knacks, and just about anything you can imagine; clearly, this house had been a haven for these people for quite some time. It was very relaxed, carefree, it felt like a tightly knit community of friends who all trusted and appreciated each other, and just enjoyed each other's company for whatever reasons. In some rooms, people were just hanging out and talking, in other rooms, there was drinking and some "rowdiness", it was very ecclectic.

I had been invited by someone else, someone I kind of knew, but I don't think very well. Amidst all of the people there, I don't even know who the person was supposed to be that invited me; I didn't know anyone there, except a couple of ex-students I eventually ran into, but I'll get to that. Everyone was friendly, and hardly treated me like a stranger. It was kind of nice, and cute.

I was in the kitchen, but it was not really a separate room from a big, sort of "main" room; it was all kind of one enormous room, but one end of it was the kitchen area, which consisted of a long counter + cabinets, the sink and stove/oven. The floor was almost completely carpeted with that industrial, shitty looking carpet that you see in most department stores. The cabinets were old, like, 70s old, metal and a light olive green. These were essentially the original cabinets in the house I grew up in that my parents had moved into the basement; as far back as I can recall, they were only ever the old cabinets in the basement, I don't have any memories of them actually being in the kitchen. The old gas stove was also moved down there, and the old fridge, too. For some reason, as a child, I found myself very attracted to this little place in the basement, it had some feeling to it that I really liked. And in general, I really enjoyed hanging out in the basement. I have always liked and preferred basements and attics to any other part of houses. This big main room + kitchen of this house had a kind of basement-like feel to it. The only overhead lights were over the counter of the kitchen part, and they were just 60 watt bulbs, only a couple of them, bare bulbs. There was not much light in the other parts of the room, most of the light, I think, was coming in through some windows. But since most of the main room was pretty dim, the bare bulbs in that part of the room had a basement-like feel, too. In the main part of the room, there was a staircase, in the center of the room; it might have been a big and heavy style spiraling staircase, but that is a bit hazy. On the other side of the staircase, was the front door, which I don't think I ever actually saw, I just knew that's where it was. I was standing at the counter, doing something, I might have been opening a bottle of wine, I'm really not sure.

He showed up, unexpectedly, uninvited, somehow, he had tracked me down. I asked him what he was doing there. I don't recall what the conversation after that consisted of it, it was only slightly upsetting and emotional, but not that much. He got distracted by something or someone, and wandered off a bit, just into the main part of the room. A man came up to me, he appeared to be in his late 40s; he was pretty average Joe looking, nothing spectacularly interesting about his appearance: mabye 5'10", slim but muscular build, clearly in shape, brown hair, parted on the side and swept to the side very neatly, and perhaps even with some added hairspray or something, a squarish face, sharp square jawline, a wide smile, very toothy, tanned skin, from clearly having spent a lot of his time outside throughout his life, a slightly broad nose, that was neither up- nor down-turned at all, high cheekbones, slightly hollow cheeks, from his being in such great shape, i.e., pretty low bodyfat, he wore sunglasses most of the time, so I'm not sure of his eye color, but it might have been blue or green, and he was just very slightly bow-legged. He was really energetic and happy to see me, obviously we knew each other. He was a delivery man, either the mailman or a FedEx driver, which is clearly why we knew each other. He said hello and began chit-chatting with me, while I was still over at the kitchen counter. I don't remember what he was saying, but he was being a bit flirty with me--in that way that men like to be with women who are 20 years younger than them. Suddenly, he put his arms around me and in some way lifted me up and managed to pull my shirt up; I was not pleased, and struggled with him. He put me down and I kind of yelled at him, telling him that, that was so not fucking okay with me. He noticed and came over and approached the delivery guy, confronted him, you know, some kind of, "What do you think you're doing?" dialogue or something to that effect. The delivery guy was walking away, as he clearly did not want to get into any kind of tiff, and he followed him a bit, still talking to him, and essentially really just making sure he left. He came back over to me, and the look on his face was a mixture of worry about me, anger about what just happened with the delivery guy, desire to talk to me, desire to leave the house with me, and apology for something. I was not really pleased with him, and wasn't in the mood, and expressed that I thought it would be better if he left. I turned around and left the room in the direction opposite the staircase--that is, going deeper into the house--and I think I went up another small staircase that was very yellow, I'm not sure if it was just painted a strong yellow or if it was the light or both. The staircase in the house I grew up in had brown wooden stairs and yellow walls; the light in the ceiling of the staircase was a regular bulb, with some kind of diffusive covering I think, giving off that slightly yellowish light, so it made the staircase pretty yellow. The dropdown door to the attic was in the ceiling of the staircase. This staircase in the dream was much narrower, and did not seem to have as many steps, but otherwise felt like that old staircase.

For awhile, I hung out in one of the bedrooms--what would have been a bedroom if this house was being used "properly"--with a few other girls. They were just talking mostly. It was a small room, there were cushions and blankets and maybe even a beanbag to sit on, a short but long bookcase maybe, or some other kind of cabinet-style shelves, they were white, and there was all sorts of random stuff on the shelves. I was sitting on some blankets or cushions, and from that angle, the room seemed really tall and narrow. It felt cramped, but not in a bad way, in kind of a comfy-cozy way. There was a window, with small ruffled curtains at the top, but not anything long, so the light was coming in pretty strong. There was also a light on in the room. The room had a very girl-childish feel to it, but no one there was under 17--just a guess, by the way they all looked. I don't remember what color the walls were, some of my memory recalls them as white, some as light yellow, some as very light green. One of the girls had bleached blond hair, pretty short, and styled messy, with bangs; she had a black cloth headband, like the kind we wore in elementary school in the late 80s. She had pale skin, was kind of petite, wore dark eye makeup, pale pink lipstick. She was talking most of the time I saw her, to someone, and I never actually saw her eyes, she was always either looking down or at the girl she was talking to. At one point, the girl she was talking to was a young black girl, with very carmel skin; she was about average height, but very thin. She was wearing an old denim jacket, had her hair pulled up in a bandana, with bits of bangs poking out, a knee length skirt with beat up sneakers and scrunched socks, and I think she had a small tattoo on her calf. She had a longish face, with cute small features, an up-turned nose, not prominent cheekbones, slightly chubby cheeks despite how skinny she was, and a very pouty bottom lip. She was sitting on some cushions, maybe even a beanbag, in that position that is kind of like kneeling, but you spread your legs out next to your thighs so you can actually sit your butt down; she leaned against some cushions behind her so she was in a very slouchy seated position. She was holding a baby, her baby. The baby, a little girl, was lying on her stomach on the girl's lap, her tiny arms kind of around the girl's waist, and her face buried in her lap. The girl had her arms clasped around the baby to hold her up so she wouldn't slide down. The only creepy thing about this baby was that she was really small, way too small to be as old as she looked. In size, she was like a small newborn; but in appearance, she was about a one-year-old or so. At some point, I was back and forth lying on my stomach on the blankets and sitting up, eating from a pizza that we were all sharing, and Elizaveta (one of my chihuahuas) was there, walking around, being excited, somehow walking on the pizza without even trying to eat it, and no one minded her little feet in the cheese.

I was walking around again, from room to room; I don't know if I was looking for something, going to get something, or what. But he found me again, still wanting to talk to me. I was kind of busy, kind of in the middle of doing something, but I told him that if he wanted to talk then he needed to ____...I have no idea what I told him to do, but it involved him needing to take a bit of time in doing it. And that bought me some time to take care of whatever it was that I was wanting to take care of. I want to say that whatever I told him to do might have been something like preparation to smoke--tobacco--but that involved constructing some kind of special pipes(?) out of some wood...? We were both walking back and forth through this very large room--we were definitely upstairs, at least on a second floor--and this room was both a room in the house and at the same time, kind of like being outside, in the sense that I recall there being large logs on the "ground", and other such objects that are normally outside in the woods. It also seemed that I could never quite see one end of the room, and every time I was looking in that direction, it was not quite dead on in the direction of the far wall, slightly off, but I felt like I was looking out in the woods at night, that at some point the light just stopped and all that was ahead was darkness.

I needed a glass of water for something. I went to one bathroom, but it was being used, so I went to another bathroom. At almost the same time, a guy was walking towards the bathroom, clearly needing to use it. I told him not to worry, I was only going to be a minute, as I just needed to get a glass of water. He said that was just fine, and followed me into the bathroom, just to stand and wait. He was about 5'11"-6', athletic build, young, probably early 20s, brown hair that was kind of thick and wavy, but cut short. He had very big blue eyes, thick lips, thick eyebrows, he was attractive, although not my personal type. He was also clearly somewhat drunk. Shortly thereafter, a few more guys showed up, all had been drinking, all were about the same age, and they all came into the bathroom, which suddenly became larger to accomodate the number of people in it. Two of these young men were former students of mine, and made sure I was aware of their presence by giving me a loud and slightly slurred greeting. And no, neither of them, that I can recall, were actual real life former students. For some reason, all these guys piled into the bathroom, waiting for me to finish filling up the glass with water, which was somehow taking an exhorbitant amount of time to complete; they expressed the desire that I should go back and "party" and drink with them, but I declined. At the very end, finishing up filling the glass, the first guy was staring at me, I mean really staring, like he was sitting right next to where I was standing, just looking up at me with his enormous blue eyes, his fat lips just barely smiling. It was kind of strange and uncomfortable, but I just attributed it to the fact that he was pretty drunk. "See ya, boys!" haha.

I was back in the room with the girls. The black girl's mother was there, begging her to come home. I don't think I stayed long.

I did a lot more walking through the house, but I am not certain why. At some point he found me again, in the yellow staircase, the look on his face inquired if I was ready to talk to him yet. I waved him away, turned around, and kept going. I am not sure what I was doing that involved so much walking through this house from room to room, whether I was looking for something. But I just did a whole lot of moving around, being busy with something. This tends to be essentially how my mind works, everyday, all day.

Again, I was back in the room with the girls, and this time the black girl's older sister was there; her mother was gone. Her sister was furiously demanding that she come home, or at least let her bring the baby home. They were essentially fighting over the baby at this point, who was screaming and crying at the top of her lungs. I could not stand to be there a second longer. I had quickly become annoyed by the atmosphere of the room; I quickly do become annoyed when I am around most females.

I found myself in a room that felt and looked kind of like a nice, new rec center, lots of open windows for lots of natural light, white tiled floors, white walls, some carpeted areas with that much nicer blue industrial carpeting you see in doctors' offices. I was walking, headed somewhere, with something in mind, I think I was walking with someone and talking, which would most likely have been him. I was completely distracted by a couple with a tiny black puppy that had to be about a pound and a half at the most. It was the cutest little thing. But it was about half cartoonish, cgi, it had a very boxy face and ears. He was very sweet though, and the couple remarked that he seemed to really like me, as he was afraid of most people. I was crouched down playing with this puppy, when there was suddenly another puppy that showed up, so I was playing with both of them. Eventually, there were more puppies, all different, and they all wanted to play with me, they all were drawn to me, and apparently, that was weird. My mother came out of almost nowhere, and was, of course, immediately drawn to the puppies. And the tiny little black one, upon seeing her, stood up on his hind legs for her to pick him up. This was the last scene in my dream, I woke up with the last image being that I was surrounded by about 4 or 5 cute puppies. What was striking about the whole scene is that they were drawn to me. I sometimes feel like such animals are better companions than people; they are so pure and genuine in their interaction, and they don't care--because they can't--about the kinds of stupid shit that most people care about as the result of culture and society. The puppies were also drawn to my mother, and I joked to myself that "it must be in the genes". I remark to myself all the time how many ways in which I am like my mother, and I am constantly discovering new ways that I am.

Despite such a "happy ending", I woke up feeling utterly physically ill, and spent most of the day that way.